From Prayers to Promises: The Story of How God Chose My Husband
1
103
0
Disclaimer! I am aware that so many people have said, "There are billions of people on planet earth. God couldn't possibly "pick" someone for you. Right? What if that person died in a car-wreck? Or chose someone to marry? Then what?"
That may all be true. Seriously. It's plausible. But, what the Lord did for my husband and I was quite different. I realize that everyone's story isn't the same. And, that's OK! The beautiful thing about God is that He takes pleasure in variety. He takes pleasure in shades of colors—the differing hues and textures of stories. He is a God who delights in variation and distinction.
This shade of a story is how God, in His complete sovereignty, out of 7.9 billion people, fulfilled purpose in the lives of two people by allowing them to cross paths.
So, grab some of your favorite snacks, a cozy blanket, and maybe a side of tea. It’s story time, Sis.
Act I | scene i
Deja, meet Taylor.
It was Summer 2014. I landed my first employment opportunity with the City of Jackson. Summer Youth Worker. Got paid EVERY week. Do you hear me? Good times. I did office work. Very, very light office work. (LOL)! Most times, I was bored. So, I carried my Bible to work with me every day and studied the Word of God while waiting to get off. Oh, and did I mention that I only worked 4-5 hours a day. One of the BEST jobs I've ever had. I digress.
I remember his smile. Though I hadn't said a single word to him, his easy-going, silent demeanor permeated the entire room. He was in the break room with another summer youth employee—Ashton. Over time, me occasionally and casually seeing him around turned into speaking and saying, "Hello". Nothing major. No sparks. No butterflies.
He was just a cool dude whose name was Taylor. Taylor Brown. Had a nice ring to it...
Act II | scene ii
Wendy's Lunch Breaks on Highway 18.
Summer 2015. So, here I was back again for my second year working for the City of Jackson. I enjoyed my first year so much that it was unanimous if I was coming back again for my second year! I sat in one of those metal folding chairs that belong in Missionary Baptist Churches waiting for my interview—which was all a formality because I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I would get the job. I scanned the room waiting on my turn to get up and answer a series of basic questions.
My attention did something foreign to me without my permission. I saw this tall gentleman sashay across the room completely oblivious to my existence in that cold metal chair. It wasn't the fact that he walked across the room. It wasn't the fact that I recognized him as that "Taylor Boy" from last summer. The cadence of his walk arrested my attention. It was almost as if time stood still. Noise became unheard. And, as cliché as it sounds, please attempt to believe me when I say this: God made me see him. It was almost as if God waved him around in my face like an owner does its pet when it has food.
At that moment, God waved Taylor in my face as a way to let me know that I should pay attention to this guy. Close attention.
I noticed that Taylor would begin making frequent visits to my office. The visits became more and more frequent, so much so, that we began engaging in some very interesting dialogue during the course of the summer. It was then that my passion for the Lord boiled over because it seemed like that's all we talked about. The Word, perspective, "what if's". 4-5 hours seemed to come and go with a snap of a finger.
We took our conversations outside and brought them to Wendy's where they continued to linger though we had finished our meals hours before. I liked this guy. He was easy to make conversation with. He was a good listener. It would be over those conversations that our occasional speaking would develop into a friendship.
Act III | scene iii
"A skinny guy and a fluffy girl?”
God was definitely giving me a desire for this guy. What do I mean by that? Well, Psalm 37:4 says, "Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you your heart's desires." [NLT]. That whole summer, whether I knew it or not, I was "delighting in the Lord". Each day, I fed on His Word. I studied it. I meditated on it. I had such a hunger to know this God I gave my life to just 3 years prior. I wanted Him. And, somewhere in the midst of my wanting Him, my desires changed. He changed my desires.
Let me explain, the more and more I desired God, the more and more He took out the stuff in my heart that didn't align with His Word.
For instance, when it came to men, I took whatever came my way. If he was cute, I was sold. It didn't matter if he treated me like crap (which he did). Didn't matter if he only wanted me for my body. That dysfunction filled the void of my father's absence. Delight in the Lord deleted dysfunction from my tastebuds. He gave me a new appetite. An appetite for that which was good. Wholesome. That appetite was for this friend I stared at day after day in Wendy's lobby.
That same summer, I made a list of qualities I wanted in a husband. It had to be about 25 or 26 things. Looking back on it, that sounds super shallow (LOL)! But, it really wasn't. Most of those qualities were spiritual attributes. I wanted a husband that had a relationship with the Lord. That could lead me. That had a prayer life. That had a worship and devotional life. These qualities were important. After which, I STRESSED and I mean STRESSED that my husband HAD to be physically attractive.
Simone, if you’re reading this, you know this is nothing but truth.
Quick Sidebar: Because I was new in the faith, I had this belief that all Christian men were ugly. Laugh at me all you want, but I believed this gospel to be true. So much so, I began developing a real fear that God would send me someone that made my mouth water for all the wrong reasons. I digress.
I remember coming to my office with that notebook that contained my "Husband List" and I read it to Taylor. He rebutted the oddest response:
"Deja, the man you're describing on that list... sounds like me."
I don't know why, but his response flew over my head. I heard what he said, but it didn't register with me. I liked Taylor... a lot. But, I believed he would never like a girl like me because I wasn’t his type.
For years, being overweight has been a constant struggle. I mean... a REAL STRUGGLE. I remember telling myself every summer, even in my teens, that I would go on a diet and drop all of my weight. I would come back to school looking like a different person and all of the boys who ignored me the year prior wouldn't help but want to talk to me. I replayed that same narrative over and over again in my head. I would watch Junes and Julys come and go. They would shed their days like it was nothing.
But, for me, the weight lingered like an out-of-town cousin who had overstayed their welcome for far too long.
Taylor, a slim guy, couldn't possibly be interested in the fluffy girl that sat across from him daily with a Cantu-saturated TWA (Tweenie-Weenie Afro, for my vanilla sistas). The coil sponge ministry hadn't come across my feed yet. (LOL!) I mean, I had curves... that needed more definition like my TWA.
Because of my poor self-image and low-self esteem, I shut the possibility of him being interested before I even got an answer if he was or not.
Hope became a thing deferred when he revealed that he was in a long-term relationship with someone he wanted to build a life with. He loved her. He wanted her to have his last name. To have his children. She had his heart, and there was no way around it.
Act IV | scene iv
"Well, Deja. Let's pray about 'us'."
Countless Wendy's lunch breaks, interesting text messages, and individual growth and development made me fall deeper for this guy. Sadly, my time working for the City of Jackson came to close. What I gained from the experience was a cute mini laptop and Taylor, a person that I knew would be a close friend for the rest of my life, regardless if we ever become romantically involved or not. Now, my summers consisted of a dorm room, USM's cafe food, and some Spanish courses I didn't want to take. Taylor and I still communicated, but it was nowhere near what it had been when we worked together.
Classes let out, and I found myself walking on campus with my favorite pink and brown Bible. I found a bench and cracked open God's vocal cords. I began reading the story of the first wife ever created—Eve. I read how God created her from the rib of the one who would name and call her his own. Then... something happened. I heard the Lord say, just like the sound of a loved one having a calm conversation with me say,
"Deja, I've called you to be a wife. You will not date. You will not be someone's 'boo', 'bae', or 'girlfriend'. You are a wife and you will be found by your husband."
I didn't know what that meant fully. But, I believed it was the Lord, and I tucked that Word into the confines of my heart. Three years and a bunch of tears later, that Word and the One who gave it to me, would prove true.
Time passed and Taylor began to develop his relationship with her more and more. Time passed. I began to fall in love with Taylor.
During one of our conversations, Taylor mentioned something,
“You know something, Deja? I believe the Lord is leading us to move to Canton and start a life there.”
Those words were knives in my heart. I knew that God told me that I was a wife. I knew that someday I would walk down the aisle in a beautiful white wedding gown. But, deep in my heart, I wished upon a star that Taylor would be the one standing at the end of that altar. If he was my husband, I would have no problem with that... at all.
They broke up. It was truly an answered prayer. I remember sitting in my bed in my dorm room. Taylor told me they broke up. At one point, I asked him if he could see us being together. To this day, I’m not sure how this response didn’t prompt me to leap with joy. Taylor simply said...
“Deja, let’s pray about us.”
I remembered that fat girl every summer eating tortilla chips in the kitchen in the dark. “Nah. He’d never be interested in me. Taylor likes skinny girls, and I’m far from what he would desire. This doesn’t even deserve an afterthought. Just drop it.”
Act V | scene v
Chase-A-Man Workshop
“We’re back together, Deja.” My eyes rolled to the back of my head in disgust. I couldn’t believe it. Didn’t God deliver Moses and the Israelites out of Egyptian bondage? Isn’t God trying to deliver you from a dead situation to one full of life. I wanted to ask him that. I didn’t have the courage. In his face, I was reserved. But, behind closed doors, I was a ravenous beast head over heels.
Not too much time passed when Taylor told me that his grandmother passed away. Timing couldn’t have been worse. We planned a day trip to the B.B King Museum in the Delta. Though he was in a relationship, this would be my opportunity to fight tooth and nail to get him to notice me. To see me. To like me back. To take interest in the woman who was “highly spiritual” and obviously called by God to impact the world. He was GOING to see me, whether he liked it or not!
He didn’t. No matter how much eyeliner I put on or L’Oreal TrueMatch foundation I caked on my face. I wore my favorite sundress and a cute Coach crossbody to match. I wanted to seem “fashionable”. Because I hated my arms, I wore a long-sleeved denim jacket to hide my arms. I was burning up with frustration and because of a bodily insecurity.
Maybe my feelings and denim jacket were both out of season.
Act VI | scene vi
The "Appointed" Time...
Doors. Doors are symbolic. They are portals to untapped dimensions. They are the gateways to exits and entrances. God. The Grand Door-Keeper is the only One that can unlock those doors. No matter what I did, it just wasn't time. It wasn't time for love. Song of Solomon 8:4 says, "Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you, do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time." [CSB]. That was me. Yanking on the door knob to enter the door of Taylor's heart. I knew what the Lord said to me under those trees on the brick pavement at USM that summer. I was a WIFE. Somebody's WIFE! Clearly, it was time for the alarm clock of marriage to RING-A-DING-DING! C'mon, God! Wake ya boy UP! It would be 2-3 years before I saw what the Lord whispered to my heart happen before my eyes.
In the meantime... USM's Fall semester came into swing... and so did MSU's where Taylor resumed his undergraduate studies. Our communication with one another began to grow more and more distant just like I believed the reality of us being together would be.
I believe it is fitting to insert this here. My heart wasn't to get a man.
There’s no formula—I’ve been guilty of measuring my life against what God has done for others, as if their experiences set the standard for mine.
My heart while on the campus of The University of Southern Mississippi was to get to know this God that wanted to love me completely and unconditionally.
I remember nights where I cried out to the Lord and hosted His presence in my dorm room on the floor while the only thing separating me from the roommates seeing me look foolish were my closet dressers. It was then that I believed God saw my heart for Him. I truly just wanted Him. I was so broken, reeling from the pain of rejection and abandonment and He saw me. Saw through me like glass... stained glass. Beautiful and ornately designed with beautiful patterns and colors for His glory. Artistic in nature I was. All for His pleasure. I was like a little girl reaching for her daddy's arms. I just wanted a hug. Solace and comfort. I found that in God.
He met me where I was and exchanged my pieces for His peace.
Act VII | scene vii
Faithful Is He Who Promised...
I am still reeling from the events that happened during Spring Break '18. I can't even put it into words even on WordPress. Get it? Ok. I digress. The Word of the Lord that came to me 2-3 years ago would finally exit my heart and leap before my eyes. It all started with an invitation to attend an online single's conference hosted by a couple with a ministry called "Young and Married". The irony, right? Lol! Natasha and Jamal Miller would be the host of an event that I cherish to this day. (If you are interested in attending the conference next year, or any other events that they might have in the near future, check out their platforms on social media!)
My conversations with Taylor resumed. They were different now. The tone of his words took a shift. He saw me in a way he never had seen before. He had broken up with his then girlfriend once and for all. He was single and his heart completely belonged to the Lord. The calls began to increase. The texting did, too.
Our nights during Spring Break of 2018 consisted of talking the moon and the stars to sleep.
He was in hot pursuit. Me on the other hand... fear took hold of my heart with the intent to suffocate it. I was scared. The irony, right?! Not "Miss Ravenous-Beast-Head-Over-Heels"....
The man I desired so much was now pursuing me and it made me uncomfortable.
Taylor was now two miles from camping out at the place of my vulnerability.
The walls of rejection I built with brick and mortar were comforting. They were home. How dare anyone attempt to invite themselves in? Without knowing it, Taylor was making his way into my heart and I wasn't ready for it.
How ironic? I wanted the love that he showed in his former relationship, yet when it began to show itself, it made me afraid. However, I knew the Lord was calling me to marriage and that my season of singleness was coming to a close. I didn't hear an audible voice, but I felt an undeniable tug in my spirit.
God was revealing to me that Taylor was, in fact, my husband.
Act VIII | scene viii
Peaches and Onions?!
On March 28, 2018, I had a dream. In fact, I had two dreams back-to-back. In the first one, an ex-boyfriend of mine was in pursuit of me. I was with two of my best friends, and both were encouraging me to take this guy up on his offer. He even had a poster with all of our pictures on it. It was his way of reeling me in. By the end of the dream, I was almost convinced to go back to him or a place that was familiar in him. In the second dream, I stood in front of a house. It was either Taylor's house or what would become our house. Taylor wasn't in the dream, but I could tell that it had to do with him because I could feel his presence.
After being inside of the house for quite some time, I saw his family start to pile in. I was embarrassed because of my appearance. However, Taylor's cousin whose name was Peaches & Onions dressed in the same attire as me, and it put me at ease. I began looking around the living room at family photos. Afterwards, I sat on the couch. Taylor's cousin came toward me and knelt almost as if she was getting ready to propose. She began encouraging me. I couldn't hear what she was saying, but her facial expressions were reassuring and comforting.
To some, that dream may not mean a thing. To me? I KNEW God confirmed that Taylor was my husband.
The kneeling in the "proposal stance", and the reassurance that all is well. Even to this day, that's comforting and confirming because I had no idea what I was getting into by getting married, but that's another blog for another day. Back to this story!
From that dream, God reassured me that Taylor and I's marriage will have more "peaches than onions". In other words, the good days will outweigh and overtake the bad. God confirmed a Word He gave me personally years ago. I saw no fruit because He was preparing me for the promise the entire time. However, I still ignored it. I know, Sis. Lisennnnn. Ya girl had a good reason to. I guess...
In my mind, I wasn't ready for marriage. I was too young and, to some, not spiritually mature enough to steward marriage and being a wife. I put their opinions over what the God of the universe was disclosing to my heart and my heart alone. To them, I wasn't ready to enter into a system defined by the dogma of a society who formed their own definition of what a wife should be and do, but God wanted to use me to redefine that.
What does a millennial wife, who loves Jesus, and is called to walk and work alongside her husband look like? That was His plan and idea for me, not what culture and even "church culture" idolizes and esteems.
April 29, 2018. I was celebrating 6 years of being saved (for real)! I had an AMAZING time in church. I worshipped and cried until I was tired. Lol! That night, I finally gave some attention to what was being revealed to me. I asked God for myself what was the meaning of what He was showing me. This is what He said…
“Deja, you know what I have been showing you. You can either accept it or not. The choice is yours.”
Okay. First of all, God, don't be coming for my life. Ok?! Lol! God was right. I was overthinking the whole situation while in denial about it. If that doesn't sound like confusion, I don't know what does. Lol! Right then and there, I told God yes. I will accept Taylor as His Best for me. He is my husband and I am his wife. Then... Sis! Here's what God told me next and it BLEW MY MIND…
“Now, tell me how much you love him.”
What?! God, I ain't about to get mushy with you. But, I did. And, right there in my Honda Civic, I poured my little heart out. It was like the levees that broke in New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina came crashing down instantly. I sat in my little car and cried while telling God that I really did love this man. I didn't have to say much. It was my heart posture. It pleased God because He was getting glory out of a desire He put in my heart. After the waterworks, I finally mustered up strength and I told God this....
"If Taylor is my husband, let him come to me first and confirm it."
God took me up on my offer. Let me pause because I think it's important to interject. We live in a culture where it is acceptable for women to "shoot their shot". To put themselves "out there" to get a man's attention, whether it be through what we wear, heavily pursuing a man through text, social media, etc. Sisters, we are PRINCESSES. We are valuable, rare, and WORTHY of being pursued ON THE FRONT END. Any man who doesn't see that, isn't worth your time.
This is also Biblical. Proverbs 18:22 [NLT] says, "The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord." We are a man's favor and his treasure. Contrary to what culture says, it's not the other way around. This is the standard, and it will never change.
Two days later. Tuesday, May 1, 2018. Taylor called me and told me that the Lord told him that I was his wife.
The rest? Well, the rest is history...
Act IX | scene ix
A Prayer, Promise, and Performance Manifested
On May 22, 2020, while the entire world shut down due to a global pandemic that no one could have predicted, God saw to it that His Word didn’t return void. Taylor and I became husband and wife before our family and friends, and the God who saw this day before we were conceived in our mothers' wombs.
So, will God choose your husband? I would say He does. In fact, believe it or not, He wants to! If you allow Him to.
God wants to be involved in the great and small details of your life right down to who He desires for you to spend the rest of your life with.
After all, He created you! He won’t intrude, but will only accept your invitation. If you are currently single and struggling with your singleness or if you’re believing God to manifest the promise of marriage He may have revealed to you, I would like to pray for you.
Daddy God, thank you. Thank you for being sovereign. Thank you for being aware. Thank you for being compassionate and understanding. Thank you for being a God who created time and knows the perfect timing of all things concerning our lives—great and small. Help us to steward this season well. Reveal our heart posture and help us to correct it with Your love and Your Word. Reveal Your love to us like never before. You are our First Husband. Help us to remain faithful to You. Help us to enjoy You and all of the wonderful people You’ve placed in our lives in this current place. Help us to get lost in You until we are found. We love You. We trust You with every detail of our lives—great and small. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
